Your Life Isn't Going to End If You're Not Engaged by the Time You Graduate
Spring is in the air, and along with it, the exciting opportunity to receive a piece of paper that cost me a lot of tears, time, and money.
In five weeks I’ll be graduating.
In the span of my time at UBC, I’ve done a lot. I’ve switched my major three times, worked at different 4 jobs, made a lot (whew, a LOT) of mistakes (ahem, learning opportunities), and realized the world is bigger that I ever thought it was- and even bigger still.
The one thing I didn’t do is get hitched.
In fact, I’m no closer to getting married now than I was when I started.
There’s legitimately nobody on the horizon.
Zilch. Zero. Nada.
And yet, I’m excited for my future and the great chasm of uncertainty that lies ahead.
But the subtle question people want to ask me is: why I’m not freaking out about still being single? Should the fact that I’m not coupled up yet overshadow everything else I accomplished? My opinion is: No!
Sure, it’s probably stressful to think about. On my bad days I’m wondering if there’s anyone out there that would ‘get it’. We’ve all been there. But I recently asked myself some tough questions lately, and nothing makes the stress of not getting hitched go away like the stress of answering existential questions. Try it out for yourself:
Suppose it was written for you to never get married in this life. Would you be content with how you are living it currently? Do the choices you make reflect your values and who are and hope to be? Are they coming from a place of excitement and love, or are you making choices and decisions out of the fear that no one would really want you the way you are?
Do you really think you’re ready to get married right now? Or is the fact that you aren’t married by the time you graduate (which is actually less frequent than the statistical average) a metric you use to make yourself feel bad?
Would you be okay living your entire life with JUST YOU (gasp) if it played out that way?
Now, you can imagine what happens when one asks themselves such existential questions. Personally, I felt shaken. I realized I was making myself miserable trying to control an outcome that was completely out of my control. Not only that- I was totally banking on my life to be fulfilling once I got married, and not before.
As much as people try to console me that “my time will come” and “just be patient”, the hard pill to swallow is that it just might not happen. For most of us it will (Insha’Allah!), and that’s awesome. But if it doesn’t, what are you going to do about it?
How are you going to live your life so that you’re proud of it at the end, regardless of whether you get married and have a family?
Although these questions scared me at first, answering these questions lit a fire inside me that I couldn’t dim if I tried, because living a life I’m proud of means pursuing my dreams without worrying whether too much education was a ‘turn off’. It means showing off my quirks and mannerisms like a badge of honour instead of some off-putting trait. It means facing and accepting my flaws instead of beating myself up about them. So, what would answering these questions do for you?
And in case you’re wondering: no, I haven’t given up on the possibility of finding love. I actually cry at proposals and weddings because I think that it’s a beautiful blessing to walk through life with someone else. I think love is awesome! But so am I, exactly as I am, right here in this moment.
So if you’re like me, congrats on finishing this exciting stage of your life. Know that it’s something to be celebrated and cherished in and of itself!
Know that love WILL find you (in this life or next).
And think: what if your person is waiting on the other side of the dream you keep trying to stifle, the quirks you keep trying to hide, and the faults you haven’t get accepted all in the name of appearing more ‘marriageable’?
And if they aren’t, the version of you where you are content with your life is.
And that’s worth being crazy about.
With love,
100% Feels, 100% of the Time